The following is a crackfic story Daybreak and I collaborated to create over IM. Once I would have made it a real story but the hour is getting late. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy.
Some oddness here I'll try to explain: I started to talk about how I wish they'd written marriages on the show better, with less of the spouse-just-in-support-role business. I really love Sam and Dee. I feel like they got screwed. I feel woobie for Sam; I ship K/S pretty hard when she's being nice to him. Soooo, also while talking about why I dig Lee/Sam fics so much, I had this crackfic idea about writing Sam as Cally in "The Ties That Bind". You know, when Cally's alone home taking care of the kid hopped up on antidepressants while the other spouse just bails on her to hang in the bar?
So if you're wondering why Kara is so OOC as a mean absentee mama, that's why.** She's basically Chief in that ep. Except I, being the relentless shipper I am, added Lee into the mix instead of Tory. And we just RAN WITH IT.
**No harm meant! IT'S CRACK. You are warned.
So this one goes out to you, DB. We've gone full circle with the crackfic, hon. What a wonderful friend you are. Let's have one last woobie gigglefest on the recordbooks. :)
Dionusia: I really am smitten by this idea of Sam with the baby.
Stuck at home.
Lee coming by, helping out.
They talk, commiserate...
Meanwhile Kara's drunk off her ass in a bar.
Never helping him take care of the kid.
Sam and Lee start to cuddle
Sam breaks down."I just can't walk away!"
Lee says, "I know man, I know. Don't let her make you feel like you're worthless."
Sam says "Hold me..."
Daybreak: I love it!
Sammy can look at the baby and say, "Sometimes I just want to end it."
Don't go to the airlock, Sammy!
Daybreak: And Lee has that voice with Sam when same is grieving in The Son Also Rises.
Daybreak: "Oh Sam." Aww, that voice is very breaky.
Dionuisa: Sam/Lee -- way healthier.
Daybreak: And Kara catches them!
"Frakking around on me, Sammy?"
Daybreak: Oh noes, Sammy is scared!
Daybreak: Lee will protect him!
Dionuisa [at the precise same second]: Lee steps between them!
Dionuisa: “Don't you DARE lay a hand on him!”
Daybreak: Sam goes to protect the baby!
Dionuisa: Kara goes, “What's it to you? You got a sudden interest in my sloppy seconds?”
Daybreak: "Lee, don't get involved. She doesn't mean it. She never means it."
Aww, I do like Sammy. Poor Sammy. Kara says, "I do love you, Sam. But if you think Lee could do better fine. He's a hell of a lay." Sam goes to get the baby. Kara says, "But my child doesn't set foot outside this room."
I <3 soap operas.
Dionuisa: “YOUR child?” he will say. “You don't even KNOW this kid! You don't even LOVE her! I'm getting custody, if it's the last thing I do.”
And Lee goes: “And I know a good lawyer.”
Daybreak: Kara says, “You can’t say she isn’t mine. That I didn't push her out. You can’t say that."
Hee! Romo! Aww.
The baby starts crying.
Dionuisa: "You gave birth to her. But you're not a PARENT.”
Daybreak: Sam tries to comfort the baby. Lee tries to intervene. It's like Caprica watching Baltar berate his dad. "Kara, let Sam take the baby out of here." Kara gets right in his face. "No! You are frakking my husband! Frak you. She's mine!"
And when she reaches for the baby, Lee says bitingly, "What Kara? You want her to turn out like you?"
Dionuisa: and she punches him!
Dionuisa: Then Sam leaps up!
Daybreak: In front of the baby?!
Dionuisa: “Don't you DARE.
Lee and I are taking this kid.
You're a good fighter, but you can't take both of us. And you will leave this kid the hell alone, so help me Gods, until you get your shit together.”
Daybreak: Aww, be still my Lee/Sam shippy heart.
And Kara is whispering, "I'm not like her, I'm not like her." And Lee says, "You are dangerously close to becoming just like your mother, Kara. Let us go. Please."
Dionuisa: I love this story!!!!
Daybreak: She has to let them go!
Dionuisa: She stops fighting.
She looks at the sobbing face of her child
Daybreak: Yes, fight gone out of her.
Dionuisa: and she lets them go
Daybreak: Sam wants to stay.
He's almost crying too. He loves her very much.
But his child is crying. Lee tugs on his arm.
“Let's go, Sam,” he says in soft voice.
Dionuisa: “Come on. I have a place you can bunk.”
Dionuisa: I KNOW
Dionuisa: now if they really wanted a show that was groundbreaking?
They would have done THIS.
Daybreak: Yes, this is true.
Ooh, there should be a coda. Kara later goes to Lee and Sam's. They are playing quietly with the baby. Sam is trying to explain to the baby. "Your mother loves you. She just needs help." He gets choked up. Lee pulls him into an embrace as the child continues to play. Kara leaves without them noticing. Next she is on the Incron Vale with the shrink. She's about to walk though the door when the hatch opens. "Kara Thrace?" "Dr. _______?" He nods and she walks through.
Dionusia: What if she also says to Lee,
“Oh, so you can't have me,
So you try to frak my man?
That's the only way you can get close to me?
Daybreak: Ooh! Fighting words.
Dionusia: And Lee says -- eyes blazing!
“I can show that I care for Sam, which is more than you can say. I only realize now how pathetic YOU can be.”
Daybreak: And Sam says, "Kara did you ever love me? At all?"
So Kara goes to Sam, "We can try again. I'll be better. I promise. I do love you. We can be a family."
Oh noes! Sammy is weakening!
Dionuisa: No, she should have that epiphany after they've left.
She should pull it together only after she gets a taste of her own medicine.
Daybreak: I think she could try and get to Sam.
It's worked before. Poor Sammy. So she tries to manipulate him later.
Dionuisa: oh noes!
Daybreak: Tries to seduce him maybe? Says she's better than Lee?
Dionuisa: I want Kara to reform!
Daybreak: poor Sammy so confused.
I had her go to the shrink!
But it doesn't take after only one visit.
Dionuisa: Sammy would get better with Lee.
Have more self esteem.
And Lee would finally feel secure. Know he is loved!
Daybreak: Maybe Sam is weakening and baby cries. Kara looks at her daughter. Baby is scared. Kara stops herself. She has to leave Sammy and baby. Aww.
Sammy confesses to Lee. He's sorry.
Lee gives him more cuddles. “She's got such a hold on you, Sam. I'm worried about you.”
Anything for more cuddles!
Dionuisa: He should say, "Look. I've been there.”
Yes, he has.
Dionuisa: "I know you can't ever stop loving her. I never did."
Dionuisa: "But she needs to learn a lesson."
"Stand up for yourself. Stay strong.
"I'm here for you."
Daybreak: “But we can be happy together. We can a life, Sam. Can you really have a stable life with her?”
Sammy looks down. He squeaks out, "No." :-(
Dionuisa: "Then we wait for her to get her shit together."
Daybreak: Lee puts his hand on the back of Sam's neck. Rubs.
Yes! That's what he says!
Daybreak: And while we the audience waits, Sammy cries into Lee’s manly chest. He keeps saying he's sorry. He's not a good husband which is why she's the way she is.
And Lee says, "There, there Sam. No, you're a good father. Good husband. She's got issues."
Now, I'm all woobie for Sammy.
Dionuisa: Yeah. ;__;
Feel free to write your own scenes to this Lee/Sam/Kara/ babydaddy melodrama. :)
PS Yep, we already know we're crazy. Come on, it's fun!
In conclusion: THERE SHOULD BE MORE SNUGGLES.